Are You A Christian Hipster?

1 Which of the following books would you consider the most spiritually significant?

Sheldon Van Auken, A Severe Mercy

John Piper, Desiring God

Thomas a Kempis, Imitation of Christ

John Eldredge, Wild at Heart

none of the above

2 Your preferred house of worship would be:

A converted industrial warehouse with IKEA light fixtures and a corrugated steel coffee bar

A pre-1950's steeple church replete with pews, stained glass, and a conspicuously musty smell

Someone's living room, with a few candles set out

The auditorium of a school or college, rented by the church

3 If you are a believer, how would you describe yourself?

Christian

Christ Follower

"Christian, but not in the George W. Bush sense"

Please. Labels are for the over-30 set.

4 If you could take a free night class at a seminary, which of the following course titles would most appeal to you:

"Tillich, Bultmann, and Christian Existentialism"

"Emergent Theology 2.0"

"The Future Role of Israel"

"Literary Calvinism"

5 Which of the following statements about the term "Christian film" would you most agree with?

"The term Christian film is an oxymoron. You can't apply the word Christian to describe a type of film."

"Christians should take the Ted Baehr/Movieguide approach and equate Christian film with family-friendly pro-capitalism Michael Bay movies."

"The best Christian film I have seen has been made by Carl Dreyer, Robert Bresson, or Yasujiro Ozu."

"I love Fireproof drinking games."

6 Which of the following most closely matches your own position on Thomas Kinkade:

He is to art what locusts are to a wheat crop.

What dreams may come? Mine. In a cottage surrounded by bucolic pastures.

My dream is for all the Kinkade galleries to one day be bought by Marc Rothko or Ellsworth Kelly dealers.

If he makes my grandma happy, I don't mind him.

7 When you hear the term "CCM," what's the first thing that pops into your head?

That was the black hole I was mired in before I first heard "Kid A."

Isn't that a country music TV channel?

The stuff Jesus listens to.

The stuff I listen to when I'm being purposefully ironic. Or nostalgic. Whatever.

I have no idea what CCM is.

8 Which of the following is most likely to make you laugh and cry in equal measure?

Kirk Cameron holding a banana

A visit to Orlando's "Holy Land Experience"

Pat Robertson saying pretty much anything

The movie Jesus Camp

I don't know what any of this means.

9 Which of the following films would you most like to watch and discuss with Jesus?

A Serious Man

Braveheart

Shawshank Redemption

Magnolia

Crash

Cleo From 5 to 7

10 Be honest: Have you ever gone on a rant about "authenticity," "narrative," or "love without strings"?

YES

NO

11 Which of the following prevents you from being Catholic:

Maryology

the Eucharist

Your parents

I am a Catholic. Since last month.

Catholic corruption and sex scandals

12 In the past 12 months, have you listened to a sermon by John MacArthur and enjoyed it?

YES

NO

13 Who best represents the future of American Christianity?

Rob Bell

Tim Keller

Erwin McManus

Mark Driscoll

Who are these people?

14 Can you ably talk about both shoegaze music and mid-90s dc Talk?

YES

NO

15 Which of the following reasons would prevent you from wearing a pair of skinny jeans?

Vaguely outmoded notions of modesty

Your gay friend wears them, which is cool, but ... you know.

You can't stand American Apparel.

You could never wear them better than the worship leader at your church.

16 Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?

A thrift store

Urban Outfitters

Kohls

American Apparel

I couldn't tell you without looking at the tag

none of the above

17 How soon after you turned 18 did you vote Democrat for the first time?

I've never NOT voted Democrat.

After college, so probably 4 or 5 years.

I didn't vote Democrat until Obama.

Bsh plz. I'm a Libertarian.

I've never voted Democrat.

18 What would Jesus' favorite beer have been?

Pabst

Chimay Red

Some sort of masculine stout

Jesus doesn't drink!

19 In the last year, how often have you argued (and significantly disagreed) with your parents about the following: politics, gay marriage, evolution, drinking, or the End Times?

Those topics never come up...because I've filed them forever in the "Relationship Ruiner" vault.

Maybe drinking sometimes comes up.

We debate them at every meal. Along with my eternal damnation.

I'm on the same page with my parents on all those issues.

My parents aren't Christians and we don't really talk about this stuff.

20 How many sporting events do you watch during the year?

1. The Super Bowl because my church has a party at a bar.

1-2. But only so I understand what the pastor keeps mentioning as a tie-in to all his sermons.

3-4. Who doesn't like baseball?!

Innumerable. I love fantasy football.

21 What does your church serve during communion?

Just wine

Just grape juice

Both

Both, and we offer gluten-free bread, sugar-free juice and it's serve yourself.

22 What does the term "Creation Care" mean to you?

Encouraging sign that Christians are beginning to care about the environment

A silly term for something I've been doing for many years

An annoying attempt by liberal Christians to prioritize "being green" over evangelism

I've never heard that term before. Did Al Gore come up with that?

23 When you hear the phrase "Romans Road," what is your immediate reaction?

Flashbacks to Awana

"Paul's most brilliant contribution to evangelical methods"

That's how I got saved, but I'm not sure I would use it to witness to anyone today.

I'm glad N.T. Wright exists.

I'm drawing a blank. Is that a gelato flavor?

24 Fill in the blank: Door-to-door evangelism is _______.

Scary

Something I had to bring up in therapy once

One of many evangelistic methods that could win someone for Christ

For Baptists only

25 What should the phrase 'pro-life' encompass?

abortion

the death penalty

pacifism

all of the above

a and b only

26 You smoke _____.

cigarettes (except Parliament lights)

Parliament lights

cloves

just cigars

a pipe

all of the above

smoking is sin

smoking is gross

27 What is your preferred Bible translation?

The Message

The American Patriot's Bible

ESV

NRSV

NIV

The App I downloaded for my iPhone

none of the above

28 When you heard Ted Haggard had had a gay affair, what did you think?

Of course he did. Everyone who opposes gay marriage is closetly gay.

He was fighting a demon.

Jennifer Knapp should write a song about it.

I felt sad that he was lying but wished he would have stepped down from his role as pastor sooner.

I've never heard of Ted Haggard.

29 Which of the following bands represent the best Christian music produced in the last 20 years:

Sufjan Stevens

Hillsong

Ray Boltz

Over the Rhine

Jars of Clay

Switchfoot

I haven't listened to any "Christian music" of the last 20 years.

30 What is your preferred view of the End Times?

Pre-trib pre-mill dispensationalist

Preterist

Christ is coming again to renew creation. Beyond that, I don't think the details are worth speculating about.

Glenn Beck is the Antichrist.